Hello,
Greetings from Kolkata! Greg and I enjoyed being on the farm tremendously and arrived in Kolkata last Saturday (as many of you already read from Greg's last blog. Well, this is my first time to post something on blogspot since way back when Misti compiled posts from the whole team that was in Chennai! I'm posting now because I've come to a major decision and I'm ready to share it. First I will briefly tell you about the farm and what I'm doing in Kolkata, but the bulk of this will be attempting to describe to you some pretty major things happening inside of me. Very major things actually, and a decision I've made from these contemplations.
Going to this WWOOF (World Wide Organization of Organic Farming) outside of the very rural village Gadarwara is not the thing that Westerners typically do. There were at tops a dozen Westerners who I bet ever got off at this particular stop. The whole time we were there, I kept realizing over and over that this is representative to the 70% of India that gets nothing but flown over by most outsiders. But for a week we worked with and communicated with a wonderful and admirable community of people.
I wanted to go to this farm because I originally wanted to work with an NGO that targets hunger specifically in rural areas, but none of those organizations were accepting volunteers, so this was my second choice. And it looked like i'd get to do that still at first because this man on staff named Abhishek was going to school part-time for social work! But this man was the only one on the farm to know English... and he got sick after the first day... so learning about hunger fell through. And so did learning the scientific input for organic farming. But we picked up on the techniques by watching others and attempting it ourselves. And the week really turned into learning some Hindi! We were able to pick up on quite a bit more than one might expect since we neither had grammar instruction nor anyone to confirm that the phrases and words we were learning meant what we wanted them to. It was also good practice in befriending people with all kinds of cultural and linguistic barriers. This is something I definitely appreciated the practice in.
Now that I'm in Kolkata, I'll be spending the first two weeks with Free Set - a wonderful business/mission that does much more than rescue girls and women from sex-trafficking, Free Set is a business that gives them a job outside of trading their bodies. They have a choice for the first time and they begin to get dignity within themselves and society. Groups that rescue girls are also wonderful, but the sad truth is they are just replaced by someone else who is either sold by family, tricked by friends, or kidnapped. Free Set also encourages the women not to move out of their brothel/apartment complexes there in the red-light district because their landlord would just get another renter to prostitute. But now that they are "out-of line" (no longer lining up for customers), they can continue to live in the complexes with the girls who are "in-line" and be a light to them - they are women who are making a choice to live independent lives where they can earn money even after they are 30, where they can say "no" to their pimps and their husbands (yes, many of these women are prostituted because their husband makes them do it for money).
With Free Set I'm helping with basic production and packaging of their products and practicing some of that communication with barriers (they don't even speak Hindi here!). After this, Greg and I will serve together again with Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity.
And now to the internal things... This is difficult because I'm trying to summarize the contemplations my heart has been doing for very many years - really intensely over the past two years. But this summary will conclude with a major decision I've made.
CONTEMPLATING about JUSTICE:
Going to this WWOOF (World Wide Organization of Organic Farming) outside of the very rural village Gadarwara is not the thing that Westerners typically do. There were at tops a dozen Westerners who I bet ever got off at this particular stop. The whole time we were there, I kept realizing over and over that this is representative to the 70% of India that gets nothing but flown over by most outsiders. But for a week we worked with and communicated with a wonderful and admirable community of people.
I wanted to go to this farm because I originally wanted to work with an NGO that targets hunger specifically in rural areas, but none of those organizations were accepting volunteers, so this was my second choice. And it looked like i'd get to do that still at first because this man on staff named Abhishek was going to school part-time for social work! But this man was the only one on the farm to know English... and he got sick after the first day... so learning about hunger fell through. And so did learning the scientific input for organic farming. But we picked up on the techniques by watching others and attempting it ourselves. And the week really turned into learning some Hindi! We were able to pick up on quite a bit more than one might expect since we neither had grammar instruction nor anyone to confirm that the phrases and words we were learning meant what we wanted them to. It was also good practice in befriending people with all kinds of cultural and linguistic barriers. This is something I definitely appreciated the practice in.
Now that I'm in Kolkata, I'll be spending the first two weeks with Free Set - a wonderful business/mission that does much more than rescue girls and women from sex-trafficking, Free Set is a business that gives them a job outside of trading their bodies. They have a choice for the first time and they begin to get dignity within themselves and society. Groups that rescue girls are also wonderful, but the sad truth is they are just replaced by someone else who is either sold by family, tricked by friends, or kidnapped. Free Set also encourages the women not to move out of their brothel/apartment complexes there in the red-light district because their landlord would just get another renter to prostitute. But now that they are "out-of line" (no longer lining up for customers), they can continue to live in the complexes with the girls who are "in-line" and be a light to them - they are women who are making a choice to live independent lives where they can earn money even after they are 30, where they can say "no" to their pimps and their husbands (yes, many of these women are prostituted because their husband makes them do it for money).
With Free Set I'm helping with basic production and packaging of their products and practicing some of that communication with barriers (they don't even speak Hindi here!). After this, Greg and I will serve together again with Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity.
And now to the internal things... This is difficult because I'm trying to summarize the contemplations my heart has been doing for very many years - really intensely over the past two years. But this summary will conclude with a major decision I've made.
CONTEMPLATING about JUSTICE:
When I had my first real intro to missions in Uganda, my heart definitely exploded for people. I was a big ball of passion for the oppressed and impoverished and I wanted so badly for injustice to end. The statistics which I had studied in school (and on my own) suddenly became real people I had befriended and played chase with. When I landed back in the USA that exploded heart of mine was truly wrecked. People call that stage "Re-entry Culture Shock." I was furious about injustice and had no idea how to respond in a way that was as effective as the injustice was severe. I was angry and broken for the world.
After a great deal of personal healing to that heart broken in all sorts of good ways with the help of all sorts of good people, I realized that I should continue to live as a "maladjusted" person (term coined by Martin Luther King Jr.) but that I should also "pick my battles" (as every mother but especially mine always loves to say).
After a great deal of personal healing to that heart broken in all sorts of good ways with the help of all sorts of good people, I realized that I should continue to live as a "maladjusted" person (term coined by Martin Luther King Jr.) but that I should also "pick my battles" (as every mother but especially mine always loves to say).
Now this is the most concise and loaded sentence I can say in this whole email: I spent two years contemplating every justice cause and many regions of the world trying to narrow down which one I would pick. Many of those contemplations were very tearful as I prayed and meditated trying to learn which social justice cause was right for me to focus on. In a few paragraphs I'm going to quote some prayers I made in my journal, these prayers will be characteristic of the sorts of prayers I made over these two years of seeking a cause.
THE INDIAN CROSSROAD
Back in November, I visited the refugee house church I used to go to an an Indian pastor was there who had a word of prophesy about me being at a very significant crossroads. At that time I knew that I was going to India but I was still in prayer about how long I should stay. (I originally wanted to stay a year but was waiting for God's choice). Well, this word of prophesy gave several very exciting promises that I didn't really put much thought into because I was only focused on what he had to say about this crossroads and his emphasis on it being significant to alter much of my life.
A few days later, I watched a heartbreaking movie about India called Water and after praying for several hours immediately afterward, decided that it was best for my service and my own heart for me to visit India before committing to a year and that it was best for me to finish my education sooner than later... I thought that I had passed the crossroad. Turns out that God had many other aspects for this crossroad and that He was leading me to make a more major decision here than just how long to stay.
So for the next many months I prepared the trip. Plans were repetitively re-planed. I wanted to spend the summer with just one ministry and try to make short-term friendships. But after several disappointing emails, I began to arrange this trip stopping at each ministry / NGO for just a week or two each. I wasn't ok with this hop-scotch agenda at first, but then God revealed that He wanted to give me more long term direction through the summer, and so I was pleased.
The first day on the WWOOF farm, when I went into serious prayer, I realized that targeting hunger as my social justice cause was off the list of choices. It was kinda nice to cross that one off the menu because that was the first option at the top of the list to be cut. Then for the rest of the week (especially during the three hour lunch-nap time everyone took during the hottest part of the day), I prayed more and more about the kind of life I want to live and sought God's direction for which cause to pick - by process of elimination.
CONCLUDING; MY CHOICE
On the long train ride from Gadawara to Kolkata, I prayed through Jeremiah 6:13-16:
""From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit. They dress the wound of my people as through it were not serious. 'Peace, peace,' they say when there is no peace. Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought down when I punish them," says the Lord. This is what the Lord says, "Stand at the crossroads and look, ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.""
So now I am going to break down a five hour prayer into the key lines and some summary sentences:
Jill: God, you're the Leader... You're the One Who loves these people... "Teach me to do more than casually dress wounds. I believe there are serious, systemic, societal ills and by Your grace for the people, I want to join you in making lives truly right again. There are so many service groups to dress reoccurring injuries and to grant altruistic blessings. I don't want that in the long run of my life. And I want this time in Kolkata to be transitional from dressing wounds in mild service to speaking honest peace for people and to really join You in the deconstruction of injustice"... "What does it look like to contend with these societal ills in ways that are as serious as the wound calls for?"... I want Kolkata to be a major crossroad... Please lead me on Your ancient path...
God: My heart is growing inside you. I am teaching you how to walk in love. I am teaching you how to make good choices. This is your decision and I will still have my will. Your will is to fulfill my desire and My will is to give you the desire of your heart. Proverbs 16:1,9; Psalm 32:8-9.
(Then I read the newspaper and hear about more violence in Pakistan, protests in Egypt, and various other areas of unrest. I start crying).
Me: Ok God, I pick peacemaking.
So we'll see where this takes me next. I still have a lot of choices within this field. I would rather be on the peacemaking / reconciliation side or the non-violent resistance training / conflict prevention side than the refugee and damage control sides. So i've still got a whole world worth of options, but it's nice to have a cause picked. I believe that war and violence are some of the most oppressive of injustices. It causes and perpetuates poverty even more than natural disasters. I think it's a very important cause. I think it will also fulfill my own hopes to have a adventurous life that is challenging physically and mentally; a life that calls for great spiritual sensitivity and emotional strength; a life that requires me to seek rest in the Lord and listen carefully to His voice.
For those of you who were patient enough to read through this very long post: THANK YOU. I am interested in your honest reaction to this choice.
Peace, Justice, and Love,
-jill baggerman
